fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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