yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The air was thick with penises
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
