Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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