i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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