I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Help. Why am I so naked?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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