At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
