I got chris browned last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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