he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
