I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
