It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize