We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
