FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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