I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
