dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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