woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
