Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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