He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This baby is an asshole
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
