Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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