I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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