It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
