What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
