So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
