After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize