I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
