i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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