Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize