There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
