all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
