I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
