Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Terrible idea I love it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
