Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
