dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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