yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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