i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
