i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
