I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
