My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize