dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
