...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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