when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
