i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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