Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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