Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
