there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
4 words: hood of his car
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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