I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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