Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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