We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
