I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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