someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize