Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize