So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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