I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
