I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
