So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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