I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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