You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
