Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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