i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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