Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
