Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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