so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
