Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
