I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
