Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
