We named our party play list daddy issues
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
