I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize