I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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