i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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