just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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