Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize